Breaking Old Ties

I have a bad habit of wanting my cake and eating it too. Life and relationships just don't go that way. For the past year and a half, I've been dating around and seeing different guys, yet all the while hiding them from my ex, who I hadn't completely moved on from and was still seeing from time to time. But when my ex asked me today if I had a new guy, I didn't lie and give him my usual "No, there's only you." Instead I told him that I had in fact met someone new. Of course, he did what every ex who's been officially broken up with does: play the role of sweet, perfect person all of a sudden. He told me that he wanted to get back with me but was waiting until I hit 18, and that he was too busy with work to be in a relationship. He could have easily told me this before and I would have gladly waited (and continue dating random guys behind his back), but I guess it was too little, too late. He, like me, is selfish and expects too much but doesn't give enough. So after juggling a few insignificant guys for over a year, someone like Mike is just what I need. I need someone solid, someone who's not just another game for me to play, someone who can reciprocate my "like." They really need to come up with some kind of substitute for the word "love" so that love-phobics like me can use that word. They also need to come up with a word for someone who you're seeing but isn't exclusively going out with yet. Mike isn't my boyfriend, he's my... boyhomie? Okay no, that sounds so dumb, but you catch my drift. Three other guys who I used to talk to hit me up within the past two weeks, asking me if I wanted to come chill with them, which basically meant going on a date with them. I've never said no to hanging out with them before, but something made me say no this time around. Maybe I'm outgrowing my immaturity when it comes to relationships. Maybe I'm sprung. Maybe it's a combination of both. All I know is, I really need to pee right now so I'm gonna cut this overly-emotional blog short. Seems that I'm never sure of anything actually relevant to me.

And yay, Lakers beat the Jazz 113-100 in Game 1 today.