Wrong Fit

For a couple who seems to fit together so well, we sure do have a lot of problems. I hate how I always justify the fact that he doesn't treat me right with "Well, he does drive down from LA to see me every week," and "Well, he's a really nice person, particularly to my sister and friends," and "Well, it could be worst; at least he's not living his '08 lifestyle." The fact of the matter is, little things count, and when we total up all the little things, I am putting so much more into this relationship. I hate that it's difficult for me to break off relations with someone because I've become so accustomed to their schedule. He gets off work around 12 or 1 on weekdays and comes home to talk to me, goes to the gym every other day, plays basketball whenever he's not at the gym, hangs out with his friends every night, gets wasted about five days out of the week, hangs out with me on Saturdays or whenever I really want to see him, and plays for his basketball league every Sunday afternoon. The fact of the matter is, I can't live on his schedule anymore. He can't expect me to try to work my way around his schedule forever, and he especially can't expect me to be available whenever the hell he decides to take time out from his busy life to get in touch with me. I hate that I'm so drawn to him and that I can't stay away for long. Note to self: make sure that the next guy isn't tall, cute, has great sense of style, looks good in a hat, and is the number one pick when it comes to basketball. Sure, he might be referred to as a T.I. lookalike and sure, he might look hot while dunking, but those two factors do not make him the perfect boyfriend. The fact of the matter is, I need more than just physical attraction and talents. I need selflessness, trust, and attentiveness.

Have I ever told you, I really suck at relationships? I just wanted to rant about how I'm feeling right now, but five bucks says I'm going to continue this up and down roller coaster because I allowed myself to become too damn vulnerable. By the way, I can't believe I had to google how to spell roller coaster. Are you sure it's not rollercoster!?